How does a 17 year old cope with so much? Now, on top of everything else, he's going to live in fear of the next panic attack! I've known people that experienced them, but didn't know you could end up in the ER due to the severity. I was terrified to read the description of what he went through at school. I've passed out in public several times and it was worrisome as well as embarrassing but this was so horrific by comparison. I have so much empathy for people who struggle with them and am glad to know more, now.
The visit with the lawyer added an nice thick icing of guilt to his legal concerns. How are his parents going to pay his legal fees? Make it stop!! I feel a specific pain whenever Carver expresses his guilt about the text by sarcastically referring to his writing as a curse. On page 112, after conjuring the courage to enter school on that first day back only to encounter the display case memorializing the 3 dead boys. He imagines voices saying, "His magnum opus. Isn't it funny that the one piece of writing that ever impacted peoples' lives was a lethal text..." I mean, that's just everything, isn't it. Everything is tainted, spoiled, or dead. His writing is the centerpiece of his talents, right? But now it's the centerpiece of his nightmare, all while attempting to write his college essay!! And then, the attack. Thank you, Jeff Z., for giving him Jesmyn, but even she brings pain knitted into the relationship he craves with her because of Eli. We end with his first therapy session. I appreciated the conversation with Dr. Mendez. When Carver explained that it was hard for him to talk about them dying because it made it too real. Yep! I know that feeling. So, everyone, feel free to react to the aforementioned or any aspect of the book up to this point. There's a lot to digest! Week 3 will cover chapters 17-27 Week 4- Chapters 28-39 Week 5- Chapter 40 to end. Thanks again for lending your voice to the conversation!
27 Comments
Virginia L Williams
11/26/2018 08:39:41 am
I feel overwhelmed with all the grief, heartache, sadness, memories, and legal issues a young teenage boy has to deal with at such a young age. It would be overwhelming and all consuming for an adult. As I think about what he is going through, I can understand his panic attacks. I have had panic attacks when I was younger but not to the extent of Carver's. Jesmyn, while a friend to him, still makes him feel guilty that he is alive and Eli is dead. His enjoyment of being with her is tainted with the fact that she was Eli's girlfriend, and both are uncertain how things will work out. Can they remain friends, what will happen with them in the future?
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Chris Danielewicz
11/30/2018 02:57:38 pm
I'm wondering if Carver will reach out to his parents more once his sister goes to college. From what we know, they seem like a close couple who care a lot about their kids (besides being somewhat stranded in Italy after the accident happened).
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Lisa Foran
12/3/2018 04:52:06 pm
Wow, Chris what a personal connection you felt to the text! I agree that a lot of people handle emotional and stressful experiences in different ways, and although I don't agree with Adair's actions, it is obviously the only way that she knows to deal with stress.
Katie Wilhelm
11/26/2018 01:14:32 pm
Despite the heaviness in the text as Carver struggles with his grief and the various impacts it is having on his life, I appreciate how "real" and relatable Zenter has created his main character. In my experience, everyone processes grief differently so it is helpful to see how Carver is responding to the different situations with additional imagery that could be helpful in putting a name to how someone might be feeling during the grieving process. On a personal level I related to how Carver describes grief as "it seems to come in these waves out of nowhere. One minute I'm standing in the ocean, fine. The next minute I"m drowning." (p. 130).
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anne k hartzfeld
11/26/2018 04:41:23 pm
Hmmmm. My copy has the punctuation. It'll be interesting to see if anyone else sees that. That description of how he feels is interesting. I usually associate feeling lighter as a good thing, unburdened. But for him it is emptiness. Sooooo sad.
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Chris Danielewicz
11/26/2018 05:55:15 pm
My copy also has the punctuation.
Renee Tobias
11/27/2018 06:35:02 pm
Katie, I also made a note about the quote on page 130 only I believe that was Jesmyn's description when she started crying at practice. Jesmyn only knew Eli a short time and this quote expresses her grief which hasn't been addressed very much in the book. I guess the difference is that she feels like she can talk to her parents but Carver isn't sharing his feelings with his parents.
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Michael Williams
12/1/2018 05:37:59 pm
Katie, those same words on pg. 130 also resonated with me. I recently lost a friend unexpectedly and sometimes I will just be going along with my day and the grief just comes out of nowhere and it almost makes me stop in my tracks.
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Chris Danielewicz
11/26/2018 06:09:42 pm
As I've been reading through the book, I just keep thinking about how there are millions of people everywhere going through what Carver is going through. Maybe the circumstances are different, but the feelings are the same--sadness, heaviness, guilt, panic, tragic consequences, blame...
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Chris Danielewicz
11/26/2018 06:30:13 pm
Also, I keep noticing how everything seems magnified to Carver. Little things that we don't even pay much attention to stand out to him--especially evidence of life--the insects in the trees, for example, "the invisible life that surrounds [him]."
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anne k hartzfeld
11/27/2018 10:04:07 am
Wow, Chris. Thanks for so articulately capturing the burden of grief.
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Michael Williams
12/1/2018 05:41:07 pm
Chris, thank you for sharing your thoughts about Carver's words on pg. 139. It helped me to look at that a little differently.
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Chris Danielewicz
11/26/2018 06:34:46 pm
I just have to mention the "cry-all-you-want" buffet. Thank you, Carver, for pointing out that "the grieving don't need a reason to cry" (145). I remember pacing the halls at Allegheny General Hospital 23 years ago, sobbing and wondering if my loved one would live. Crying rooms, I told the nurse. Every hospital should have crying rooms. Sometimes you just need a place to cry.
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Heather Chung
11/27/2018 09:31:19 am
I am kind of surprised that Carver still text messages. I would think that he would have nothing to do with it anymore. Only once so far did he pause before sending a text because it reminded him of the accident. I also love how supportive his sister is to him and think they have a really neat relationship. I think this is rare but hope that I can raise my own children to grow and support their own siblings like this. I am very intrigued by this goodbye day concept. I think this puts Carver in a really weird position and is a tough ask for someone of his age.On the flip side I also think that if they keep the right focus it could provide some sense of closure for both of them. Excited to see how it turns out!
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anne k hartzfeld
11/27/2018 10:05:34 am
Welcome Heather! Thanks for joining us. Hang on. It's quite an emotional ride Carver takes us on.
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Renee Tobias
11/27/2018 06:45:56 pm
Heather, I thought the same thing about Carver still texting. I also thought that his sister was using her phone while driving after she picked Carver up at school. The book has been thinking about not just texting but calling someone or talking to someone when I know they are driving. When a friend calls me, or I call them, and they tell me they are driving I now think I need to hang up immediately. The idea of being charged with criminally negligent homicide is scary.
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Michael Williams
12/1/2018 05:47:14 pm
Text messaging is so common place for people today, especially young people. I bet it is a painful reminder sometime.
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Renee Tobias
11/27/2018 06:53:04 pm
This book has used different ways to describe grief and guilt. I liked how Carver compares his feelings to a beach in November - sad and lonely. I also like how the author used the Nashville night skyline in relation to death - a light blinks out here, one replaces it there. Always dying, Always living.
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Chris Danielewicz
11/30/2018 02:36:07 pm
I agree that the imagery in this book is really powerful. While the tone is very straightforward and conversational, the author has dropped some really vivid imagery into the text.
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Nyla K.
11/30/2018 11:22:48 am
As a high schooler, if this event would ever happen at school I hope and wish that my fellow classmates would not accept Adair behavior who throw out the whole book blamed Carver who already felt guilty because he had just lost his three best friends. Yes, I understand that was her twin brother but instead of talking horribly about him she could have consulted in him and could have shared a similarity in relieving their grief.
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Chris Danielewicz
11/30/2018 02:40:12 pm
And it will be interesting to see if anyone in the school steps up to support and encourage Carver. I'm thinking there may be a teacher or other staff member because they are trained to watch out for kids and they are generally caring in nature. Then I also expect some students to step up because I've seen this time and time again in schools. I think students are braver than ever to stand up for others, especially if even one person leads the way.
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anne k hartzfeld
12/2/2018 03:47:27 pm
Nyla is clearly a leader with a heart!
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Chris Danielewicz
11/30/2018 01:47:51 pm
Yours is a very compassionate response, Nyla. Your compassionate spirit is what is needed to bring healing to so many who are hurting.
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Michael Williams
12/1/2018 05:31:06 pm
I was dreading the part of the book where he had to go back to school. Just the uneasy feeling of going back to school for a teenager is hard to deal with, but without your three best friends who are gone forever?
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Lisa Foran
12/3/2018 04:47:57 pm
Hi Mike! :) I can definitely relate to your anxiety about Carver's return to school. I just knew that it was not going to go well. I can't help but think if Adair's actions would actually be tolerated in a real school, but I guess we hear of worse things that happen.
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Gretchen Vogle
12/2/2018 03:50:17 pm
The author really helps me understand what Carver is going through. To lose one friend is tough; to lose three would be even harder. Let alone you feel as though it is your fault. That’s a lot for anyone to handle. I’m glad Carver is going to therapy. He needs a neutral party to discuss things with. The enormity of this situation affects everyone in his life. They all have their own thoughts and reactions. I predict Dr. Mendez will be an important part of Carver’s life.
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Lisa Foran
12/3/2018 04:53:39 pm
What a whirlwind of emotions I have when reading this book! I am so sad for Carver as he grieves and tries to overcome the tragedy and be a normal high schooler. I feel happy for him when he can console with Jesmyn, but then saddened by the way that Adair treats him at school.
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